Alpha Force Cuddles

The best thing about Chinese food is getting those little fortune cookies at the end of the meal and have everybody read their fortunes out loud so you can compare each others’ fate. Nothing beats getting awesome fortunes along the lines of “You will become rich and successful” while your little sister gets something along the lines of “You are going to hell, you homo.” Lately, the Chinese place I’ve been going to has been handing out these shitty, new “Super K” fortune cookies. I knew there was going to be trouble when I saw this suspiciously adorable panda bear on the wrapper:

And this is the fortune I got:

Obviously, whoever wrote this fortune also works in a factory assembly line getting paid a penny a day. With an even more Chinglish flourish my previous fortune has advised me to:

“Sever the ignorant doubt in your heart with the sword of self-knowledge”

So the cookie has pretty much advised me to stab myself in the heart (with the sword of self knowledge).